Pushing through became something I had learned to do in the past years and running taught me how to do it well. Through it all, I ran. Sometimes less than I had before, sometimes slower than before and sometimes shorter distances, but still I ran.There were even days when all I could muster up was a walk. The strain was almost more than I could bear. Though I am not sure if it was physical or mental. Even when I thought I would just drop the running, something drew me back to it. When you love something, it is hard to let it go... near impossible to let it go... right? I know now that I not only love running, I need running.
I read a book during this time called Running and Being by Dr. George Sheehan... picked it up because it was "the book that made the world start running in the 80's." Reading this book, I started to discover and understand why I too needed running like so many others. My passion for running ignited again because I realized it didn't matter if anyone else could understand me or why I loved running as long as I understood me, it was all that mattered. Dr Sheehan wrote, "My fitness program was never a fitness program. It was a campaign, a revolution, a conversion. I was determined to find myself. And, in the process found my body and the soul that went with it."
No longer is my running a fitness program, but rather a place that helps me discover me. The good , the bad and the ugly.
And while discovering me is not over, and never will be for that matter, it is a process that has evolved, layer upon layer taking me to new levels... showing me potential that I didn't know existed. I am driven and competitive by nature, results are what I do, in work and in play. But now that is different in many ways. The results still matter, but not in the same way. Now I enjoy and appreciate what running does for my soul, my mind, my heart. It gives me peace and clarity. It takes my stress, pulls it off my back and chunks it. It reminds me that my mind is capable and that the body is eager. It is my therapy. Running helps me find the best that is within me. It shows me the stuff I am made of and reveals portions of me that I am not always prepared to deal with. It gives me.....me... raw, desperate and longing. It teaches me that God has given me all I need to overcome and persevere... to endure. It shows me the magnificence of what he has created within me. It teaches me self discipline, but reminds me that I can't do it alone. It brings an awareness that I can only discover somewhere running down a long, lonely road when it is just me and the sound of my foot steps, the pounding of my heart and the rhythmical wisps of my breath that takes me to another place deep within the recesses of my mind and soul and that is where I am found. And so I run again ...
Good Memories...
My mom and I at my last half marathon and her first half marathon in 20 years. She ran it with Colon Cancer in 2:40 and didn't even know it!
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